The Power of Appreciation in Imago: Building Safety, Trust, and Connection

In my work with couples, one of the most powerful tools I teach is the practice of appreciations in Imago therapy. While many couples seek support because they struggle with difficult conversations, what often gets overlooked is the foundation needed to navigate those moments with trust, safety, and connection.Appreciations are not just feel-good exercises; they are an essential grounding practice that strengthens the relationship and helps partners remain curious rather than defensive. Let’s explore why this simple yet profound tool is so impactful.

Why Appreciations Matter in Relationships

When couples are in conflict, they often become hyper-focused on what’s wrong—what’s missing, what hurts, or what needs to change. This can create a cycle of criticism and defensiveness, making meaningful communication nearly impossible.Appreciations, however, shift the focus to what is good, loving, and working in the relationship. This simple act:

• Creates a safe emotional space before addressing difficult topics
• Activates positive neural pathways that promote connection rather than reactivity
• Rebuilds trust by reinforcing that each partner is valued and seen
• Encourages curiosity instead of judgement, making deep conversations more productive

How I Teach the Structure of Appreciations

I guide couples to share appreciations in a structured way that deepens connection and reinforces safety. Here’s the framework I encourage:

1. “One thing I appreciate about you is…”
   • This keeps it specific and heartfelt, avoiding vague generalisations.
2. “The reason I appreciate this is because…”
   • This helps the receiving partner understand why their action or quality is meaningful.
3. (Optional) “How this makes me feel is…”
   • Sharing the impact fosters deeper emotional intimacy.

For example:"One thing I appreciate about you is how you always check in on me when I’m stressed. The reason I appreciate this is because it makes me feel supported and reminds me I’m not alone."By practising this regularly, couples strengthen their emotional foundation, making it easier to approach difficult conversations from a place of connection rather than conflict.

The Ripple Effect: Transforming Conflict into Connection

When couples prioritise appreciations, they cultivate an environment where trust and safety become the norm. Over time, this makes it easier to stay open and curious during challenging discussions, rather than becoming defensive or withdrawn.Difficult conversations no longer feel like a battlefield but rather an opportunity to understand and grow together. Appreciation is the bridge that allows couples to meet each other in their most vulnerable moments with love and care.If you and your partner are struggling with communication, I encourage you to start small—make space for daily appreciations and notice how it transforms the way you relate to each other.Have you tried incorporating appreciations into your relationship?